i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
