Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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