I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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