Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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