Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
