pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
