After last night, I could never be a politician.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
