i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
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