butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
