FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
