No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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