But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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