Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
