I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
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