My nipple is on Facebook.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
