neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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