i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
