did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
