pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Randomize
