wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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