never play flip cup with pint glasses
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
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