i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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