By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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