She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
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he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
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The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
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