Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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