11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
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