a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize