i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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