i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Randomize
