I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
