goodnight i made you a song goodbye
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
