Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
