this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
