I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
