That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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