so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
