maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
