YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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