sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
