i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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