dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
