if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
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