I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
