I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Randomize
