There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
