speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
