STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Randomize
