i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
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