I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I FOUND THE LEGS
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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