Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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