If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
