): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Randomize
