so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
