I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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