Cold hands, warm shart.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
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