pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
