and i looked up. we had an audience...
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
