Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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