your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize