It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
