the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
