Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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