look no pants
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
