There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
