I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't turn off my feet"
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
The adults are the big ones right?
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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