I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Randomize
