oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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