Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
