Where did you get a picture of my penis
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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