everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
