I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
