i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
