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Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
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