she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
