So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I queefed so loud it echoed.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
