Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
worst night to have a conscience
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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