MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
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Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
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It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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