if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
