New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
